The Sixth Estate

Stop the Bullying of Canada’s Most Vulnerable – The Baby on in the Womb

In light of this new awareness of bullying, consistency and credibility demands that we tackle the most cruel and most common bullying of all — the bullying, and ultimately killing, of babies in the womb.

Maurice Vellacott, fresh on the heels of the smackdown of his pro-life colleague Stephen Woodworth by the increasingy dictatorial Harper regime, has brought attention to a new way in which we who belong to the pro-life community can draw attention to the ongoing holocaust of the unborn child. And this one, I can assure you, will in no way lead to mockery or discrediting of that community in any whatsoever!

Vellacott points out that if we’re going to crack down on bullying, which we should, we should start by outlawing the bullying of the unborn fetus.

But I didn’t call you together to discuss science today. Instead, because of the seriousness of this issue and because I’m sure it will soon be drowned out by legions of socialist pro-choicers trained to salivate on command by the Liberal Party, I’m going to make a statement that I hope will force even my left-wing audience to sit up and pay attention:

I was a bullied fetus.*

Yes, me, and it’s more common than you might think. I can only speak to my own experience, but it’s a harrowing one. Many years ago, at a very young age, I was confined for months on end by my tormentors. I’m told it was almost nine months before I was found and rescued.

Recovery took years of constant care by two of the most caring practitioners I ever met. But even so, I couldn’t walk for a year, and it took much longer than that before I was able to talk again or even just to go to the bathroom on my own. And the nightmares — terrible nightmares, that left me wide awake and shaking for hours — lasted even longer.

There is only one ethical choice open to us. We must stop fetus bullying. Women must no longer be allowed to confine fetuses against their will for months on end, causing extraordinary damage ranging from an almost 100% rate of Stockholm syndrome to years of round-the-clock care and an inability to perform even basic functions like eating or talking.

So while I know that supporting Vellacott’s new anti-bullying initiative won’t go down well with my usual progressive audience, I hope they’ll forgive me for staking out this deeply controversial position and saying that in my opinion Vellacott is absolutely right and I absolutely support him. Canada’s Parliament needs an urgent debate on the subject of fetus bullying. Even now hundreds of thousands of unborn children are at risk. Surely you agree, there can be no greater and more urgent debate than this!

Now, some people will say that Vellacott is just trying to covertly insert abortion onto the public agenda through deception and underhanded techniques. Don’t be silly! Vellacott is an ordained Christian clergyman. I’m sure he would do no such thing!

And his Parliamentary assistant is Tim Bloedow, author of ChristianGovernance.ca, a website devoted to promoting “Biblical theocracy” in Canada. I’m sure if Tim had any inkling that his boss was up to no good, Tim would quit on principle the very next morning. So, again, we can be sure that Vellacott is being entirely honest and forthcoming about his intentions here.

In order to truly get us all united behind his anti-bullying initiative, of course, Vellacott will need to convince our fellow social conservatives first. Unfortunately, so far not all of them appear to agree that bullying is actually a serious issue at all. For instance, here’s Canada’s top conservative women’s organization’s stance on bullying, which I can’t quite figure out is meant as either a prediction or simply a threat:

Could it be that some bullying is a result of sheer frustration on the part of the “ordinary” student, who sees that certain students are favoured?… Unless the whole system — our secular, materialistic culture — makes some pretty radical changes, like tossing overboard the whole totalitarian PC agenda, bullying will continue to proliferate.

Interesting. According to the Vellacott Rule, Real Women of Canada supports the bullying of fetuses. Down with this sort of thing!

* If you’re reading this, mom, I’m truly sorry. I am grateful for all of the years you put into raising me, and I hope you won’t take this article personally. It’s just that it seems to me that Vellacott’s stupidity has beyond reasoned discussion and can only be confronted through sarcasm and mockery.