Why exactly this is news I can’t imagine, because it’s been brewing for years now. It was brewing when I was living in Ontario — and I’m not anymore. But anyways, as you’ve no doubt heard by now, the Catholic Church is enraged that the provincial government is putting strings on the education money it receives in that province. Specifically, that like all other schools, Catholic schools must allow students to form so-called “gay-straight alliance” clubs if they wish, and use those clubs to reduce bullying of gay students.
The conservative media is up in arms, naturally. The Sun chain says this amounts to the bullying of the church! So does the resident Catholic priest at the National Post. Michael Coren’s rant is typical, involving a bizarre diatribe about “gay organizations” — which I assume are organizations attracted to other organizations of the same gender — and then wandering off into some strange musings about lesbians: “in some schools it is even a fashion statement to come out, and silly girls regard having a gay friend as the ultimate fashion accessory.” Yes, well.
My real point, and I’m sure many of my readers will be surprised to hear me say this, is that the Catholic Church is right. They should not be forced to practice equality if that’s not what they want. If they don’t want gay-straight alliances in their government-funded schools, they should be allowed to ban them. However, in exchange, they must tell their students that they are not allowed to have gay-straight alliances because the Catholic Church believes that homosexuality is a disgusting sin, just like using a condom or birth control pills (you know, for all that sex that I’m sure the Catholic high school students totally aren’t having). And they must tell their students that there are other schools in the province, secular schools, where gay students are treated better. In short, they can be just as discriminating as they want, as long as they’re explicit about it.
And while they’re at it, I want them to explain to their female student population why in their minds the pope and all priests must always be male, because God himself came to us as a man, and it just wouldn’t be right for someone with the wrong private parts to say the magic words that turn the wine into blood and the bread into flesh. I want them to explain that even though men and women are equal, men must always be in charge.
And just to show how tolerant and open-minded I am about allowing bigotry in our midst, I thought it might be a good opportunity to share some sacred moral teachings from the holy scriptures of Christianity. I look forward to the day when we can finally unseat the human rights tyrants and let these great and righteous teachings reach the ears of the children of the province:
If a man has sexual relations with another man, both of them… are to be put to death. (Leviticus 20)
On the eighth day (after menstruating) a woman must take two doves or two young pigeons and bring them to the priest… The priest will sacrifice one for a sin offering and the other for a burnt offering. In this way he will make atonement for her before the Lord for the uncleanness of her discharge. (Leviticus 15)
If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, he shall pay her father 50 shekels of silver. He must marry the young woman, because he has raped her. He can never divorce her. (Deuteronomy 21)
And my personal favourite, just because it’s such a bizarre non-sequitur in the midst of all of the above carnage:
When you lay siege to a city, do not destroy its trees… Are the trees people, that you should besiege them? (Deuteronomy 20)
Now, I am fully aware that today’s Catholic Church no longer believes that gay people should be executed, that women should be fined for having their period, or that marriage and a small fine are the appropriate retribution for rape. But if they are not going to use the capricious legal code of the Bible as a guideline for determining that homosexuality is sinful, I would like to know on what authority they do claim that homosexuality is sinful and therefore that gay-straight alliances can’t exist in Catholic schools.Tweet