Sixth Estate’s Christmas Message: There is No Santa Claus, And People Are Starving.
It’s Christmas time, and even Margaret Wente was feeling unusually charitable in Saturday’s column (and pretty much plagiarism free, for the time being). So if you’re hoping to get your regular dose of venom and bile from the chattering classes, you’ll have to settle for me.
I’d like to juxtapose a couple of stories from today to demonstrate the sad spectacle of Canadian democracy as it now exists. First of all, there’s the relative non-story of a First Nations chief slowly starving to death in protest that the Prime Minister and Governor-General of the country refuse to meet with her. This would seem a fairly paltry demand, but both men are reluctant to do so. Earlier this week, the Governor-General absurdly explained that he did not have the authority to meet anyone without approval from the Prime Minister.
He does not, apparently, need any such authority to write simpering nonsense in a national paper about how Canada is busy converting the heathen natives of Mexico to the wonders of adversarial common-law court systems, which, he says, are the absolutely necessary bedrock on which democracy is built. (This will no doubt come as something of a disappointment to the residents of Quebec.)
There’s still a possibility, but I really hope that Theresa Spence has second thoughts. I don’t want her to die, and it’s a safe bet that some cynical young partisan activist in the Prime Minister’s Office has already drafted a suitable speech for the occasion. (“Like all Canadians, I was shocked and saddened. But let me be clear: this government is working as hard as ever to solve the Indian problem, which was caused by the Liberals.”)
And our second story: the state broadcaster, aka the Conservative Broadcasting Corporation, has for some reason found it necessary to explain in excruciatingly painful detail the government’s plan to provide Santa Claus with a CF-18 fighter escort on his upcoming trip across Canada. The CBC isn’t the only media company to waste time on this utter propagandistic drivel, but unlike all the others, I own the CBC. So my comments are directed specifically to them.
For as long as I can remember, NORAD has “tracked” Santa Claus on Christmas Eve. But in recent years they’ve steadily upped this story. This year, it comes complete with a promotional video, a lengthy interview with one of the pilots, and specific details of Santa’s sled and flight pattern.
I know Santa occupies a special position in families where children are normally taught that they must tell the truth at all times, but at some point we’ve got to call a stop to this nonsense. There is, obviously, no CF-18 escort. There are no fighter pilots providing such an escort. At a time when the nation’s democracy is in crisis, surely we have better things to do than to trot out an increasing number of people to spread an increasingly detailed series of blatant untruths over the public airwaves. And I’m not stupid, either. This is a blatantly obvious attempt to insert the military into a jovial family celebration at a time when the military’s multi-billion-dollar plans to appropriate our taxes and spend them on unnecessary American fighter jets is front and centre in the news. Nicely played, assholes.
To add insult to injury, the military provided CBC with a graphic of the schematics of Santa’s sleigh. The graphic states that the sleigh’s emissions are classified (how can they be classified when Canada doesn’t even own the sleigh?) and its speed, which is “faster than starlight.” But not, apparently, light from other sources, which as we all remember from high school physics is much, much faster still — if it wasn’t so, why would it take so many years for light from most stars to reach our telescopes?
Apparently, CBC made a show of calling the minister’s office for comment on the planned escort mission, to which the minister responded with a poem. The only question they should have asked is how much money the military spends on this ridiculous public relations charade every year. And they should have noted that the minister’s office refused to answer that question.
I only ask because a few days ago the government released a transparently self-serving “response” to a request from its own MPs, showing that it costs as much as $150,000 to respond to a question tabled by an opposition politician in Parliament, and therefore that opposition politicians should not be permitted to ask questions of the government.
This is yet more evidence of the fantastic fiscal competence of “Canada’s responsible majority government,” I must say. The British government says that the average written response to a question costs just £164.
Merry Christmas, everyone.
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Sandy
Current Governor General is the biggest milquetoast ever!
Should serve him up with cookies for Santa, much cheaper than the CF-18′s. Sheesh.
Beijing York
Wow, $150,000 vs £164 – how the hell does the Harper Regime explain that? As for the grotesque militarization of our nation, I have no words. It started with taking over sporting events, morphed into steroid induced celebrations of past military battles, War of 1812 propaganda, changing images on currency and now this stupid Santa Claus ploy. Totally disgusting.
Sixth Estate
Well, in fairness, the average appears to be far, far lower — in the order of thousands of dollars per question. But it still begs the question of why the hell it could possibly cost so much.
The cost presumably lies in the fact that the question goes to the minister’s office, which relays it to the PMO, which relays it back to the minister’s office with instructions to prepare an answer, which then sends it to the deputy minister with instructions to have an answer prepared, who then sends it to the relevant division, who then sends it back to the minister’s office, which then sends it back to the Prime Minister’s Office to make sure it doesn’t say anything that Harper’s personal team doesn’t want said. Rinse and repeat as often as necessary until the PMO is satisfied.
The emails back and forth are cheap, but the time involved is probably extensive.
MoS
I believe much of the cost relates to background checks and phone tapping of the questioning MP and his/her family.
Seasons Best, 6E, and keep on hammering in the New Year
Saskboy
Excellent points.
Merry XMas.
G.J.W.
Don’t be so harsh with P.M. Harper. He was on the telly, claiming to be a Christian. He said, he prays everyday.
Harper prayed for the poor little children murdered in their school., as we all did.
Meanwhile, does Harper pray for the F.N. kids, who commit suicide because, they see no better future for themselves? Isn’t Harper the most wonderful Christian, by refusing to speak with Chief Spence? Why in hell aren’t the citizens of that province, not supporting their F.N. People? Why are they not helping the F.N. People, to become more self sufficient? In BC we support the F.N. People, We owe them a debt of gratitude, we can’t even pay them back for. They are our, unpaid stewards of our entire provinces eco systems. They are fighting to save BC, from Harper’s greed. If Chief Spence was in BC? We would be sitting right beside her, in support.
Does Harper pray, as he is selling Canada to Communist China? Is there a special prayer, for giving Red China all of the resource jobs? What prayer did Harper utter when, he gave Red China the right to sue Canadian who, block Red China’s takeover of Canada? How about Harper’s prayer of, the BC courts giving Red China, all of the BC mining jobs? Harper’s partner in crime Gordon Campbell, sold BC out to Red China long ago. Harper and Campbell prayed their dirty plots would succeed. They also said a prayer for their lying scam of, forcing the illegal HST on BC.
Of course, Harper is a Christian? He came right from, the ninth ring of Dante’s Inferno. That’s where he met his partner, Gordon Campbell.
Julia McGuire
Wow! How sad is that when someone has to take the fun out of Christmas. As a small child my Dad always turned on the radio to listen to Santa’s arrival. Not blatant lies, but a story that puts smiles on children’s faces and gives hope to people in such a negative society. Is that such a horrible crime? Now my son is one of those CF18 Hornet fighter pilots and I am sure my Dad is smiling down from heaven to know his grandson is living his dream, and spreading some joy to this world. Peace, love, joy and goodwill for fellow men? Where is your spirit of Christmas. Maybe we need to cut back on spreading negativity through articles such as this and try to write something that will be more positive for those of us that deserve to smile and feel good about the world we live in. You make it seem like such a crime when the intent is pure happiness and joy for those who take it that way. Bah humbug to you Mr. Scrooge.
Sixth Estate
I don’t particularly care about the radio broadcast; but beyond that, I just find the crass militarization unseemly. I very sincerely doubt that many children in this country are going to sleep tonight excited specifically by the fact that CF-18 fighter pilots are escorting Santa around the country. And I can confidently guarantee that your son is not a CF-18 fighter pilot escorting Santa.
Not blatant lies, but a story that puts smiles on children’s faces and gives hope to people in such a negative society.
Well, first of all, it is a blatant lie. It may be done for good reasons and it may put smiles on people’s faces, but it is a blatant lie. If we’re not going to be honest, we should at least be honest about what we’re doing: lying to children to make them happy.
Beyond that, if your purpose is to put a smile on children’s faces, you should probably follow the same rules that all good religions follow, which is to be as vague as possible about your fantastical claims so that it doesn’t raise awkward and unanswerable questions. Like: how do CF-18 fighters exceed the speed of light? How much fuel does this require? Why does Santa require a military escort? Who would attack Santa Claus in Canada? What would happen to Christmas if Santa Claus got killed? What would be the consequences for Canada’s reputation if this terrible tragedy occurred in our airspace?
Where is your spirit of Christmas.
It’s out. It’s currently on loan to Attawipiskat chief Theresa Spence, who is testing the theory that our present Prime MInister would rather let her die than hold a single meting with her. So much for love, joy, and goodwill, eh?
Our government has the time to prepare a detailed fiction about Santa Claus, but not enough time to hold a meeting with Theresa Spence, and that, if you must know, is why I am being so humbuggish over Christmas.
Julie
Seems the Mound of Sound, has a lot of sympathy, for poor old Harper? Even if Harper did, lie, deceive, was corrupt, thieved, used dirty tactics, dirty politics, even if he did cheat to win.
The only promise Harper has ever kept was, we wouldn’t recognize Canada, after he was finished with our country. That’s for sure. We don’t own our country anymore, China does.
I agree. My x-mas spirit has vanished with, the plight of Chief Spence. How could Harper do such an evil thing, as to ignore her?
In BC, we support the F.N. people. They are our unpaid guardians of BC’s entire eco systems. We thank God for the BC, F.N. citizens.
What can we do to help Chief Spence? All I am doing is e-mailing everyone I know, and asking them to send the messages along to others. The politicians mail boxes, seem to be full? Either that or they know, they will get a lot of flak. What can Canadians do, to kick Harper off the planet? Perhaps China will accept him, as an exile?
Beijing York
Well we certainly won’t look like a very compassionate nation on this Christmas Eve as Chief Theresa and other FN peoples struggle with their hunger strikes. Harper is a total prick. We’ve known that for a long time but he has stooped to new low.
I know it’s hard to keep the spirit of the season under such awful time but I hope you have a warm and heartfelt holiday with your loved ones, SE. Best always.
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[...] has two main functions. First, they spend an as-yet-unknown amount of taxpayer dollars granting a CF-18 fighter escort to Santa Claus, just in case some Al Qaeda sympathizers are lurking in the Barren Grounds with Stinger missiles. [...]
RossM
Why in the world does anyone think Santa Claus needs any escort of any kind, much less Canadian CF-18s? To keep him safe from nasty Russian communists over the Pole? Santa has done a pretty good job on his own for a very long time.
I think Canada had better delete from the F-35 business case the line item re operational requirement for 1.32b.106C: ESCORT, Santa Claus incl Sleigh (Loaded), Reindeer (8) unarmed; State-of-the-Art Jet Fighter/Bomber (NB: F-35 pref by Min. Nat Def.); for the purpose of;